Why do I even care?

        Why do I feel like this? He isn't mine. Not anymore, anyway. We haven't been together for years, nor have we talked. I'd love to. I'd really really love to, but he has other plans I suppose. In the hallways, we hardly pass each other, but when we do, eye contact is like a sin. This silent treatment, it's almost like we're together in a mute agreement with unspoken rules that can't be broken. I'll try to smile, wave, and show that I'm sorry for causing this pain, but he glances up and then away. Sure, we're friends on Facebook, but what's the point. That doesn't mean anything. I doubt I even show up in his newsfeed. Not to be creepy, but as people put it these days, I sort of "Facebook stalk" him. Everything he posts, I have to look at. Any song he posts, I think it's about "us". Does he read my subtly hidden "I'm sorry" statuses? If he does, does he understand?
        He's in my dreams almost every night. If not the central theme, he certainly walks by. Sometimes, I dream he's with another girl. I spend the whole dream fighting with her, mentally and physically, trying to coax him back to me. Usually, in my dreams, we apologize for everything, become friends, and get back together. It's only when I wake up that I realize it's all lies. We still aren't talking. We still look away from each other. We still are together in silent agreement.
        So, imagine my surprise when his relationship status on Facebook went from single to dating. It wasn't possible. The only one worthy of him is me. I've never even heard of the chick that he chose. What's so special about her? What does she have that I don't? She was not there for the years upon years that I was. She will never know as much as I do about him. She did not watch his sister grow up. She did not feel her heart physically break in her chest, nor did she not eat for days because the food would not stay down. Does she know about his past? Did he tell her about us? Is he doing this to get back at me? He knows it'll make me feel lonely and worthless. And of course it does. He was right when he told me I wasn't pretty. Even now, I can still feel my heart cracking in my chest every time I even think about him. I feel like sobbing my eyes out, but I must stay strong.
        I believe, if they eventually break up, I'll have less of a chance to gaining him back. I don't want to lose him to her, or to anyone. I don't care if it's cliché, but if I can't have him, no one can. If we can't be together, we must both be single and apart. We must both wallow in heartbreak, and I will not let this new girl stand in my path of making sure things go my way.
~~ ♥ ~~